Also Known As Slappy
by Kierseth
Summary: Sydney Bristow becomes possessed by the THWACK. Characters get their comeuppance. PG for minor violence and possibly language later on.
1. Last Straw

Disclaimer: I own nothing.   
  
AN: This is set prior to SD-6's destruction, so Sloan could get his. (He he , this will be fun!! *evil grin*)   
  
Another AN: This is a THWACK. THWACKS were started by the almighty Fruitcake and since the creation, has driven many people off the edge of sanity into Fruitcake-ville. Enjoy the ride!  
  
Summery: Sydney Bristow becomes possessed by the THWACK  
  
  
Chapter One: Breakdown  
  
Sydney Bristow was tired. She flopped on her sofa with a long sigh. The house was silent, Francie and Will being at the restaurant, so Syd was left with her thoughts.   
  
Everything was at a stand still. SD-6 was going strong and Sloan was being all paranoid with his wife reaching out from beyond the grave, and the tension was so thick you could cut it with a 2 by 4. The CIA was no closer to taking down SD-6 than they were a month ago. All they ever had her do was take whatever Sloan wanted and give him a false one, or a doctored copy. It was frustrating. And on top of it, the sexual tension with Vaughn was reaching a breaking point. Either he make a move, or she was gonna do something drastic.   
  
Suddenly, her phone rang. She picked it up. "Hello?"   
  
"Joe's Pizza?" a male voice asked.   
  
"Sorry, wrong number."  
  
Hanging up, Sydney jumped off the couch and grabbing her purse, walked out the door.   
  
Entering the warehouse, dressed in her sweats, Sydney walked over to the cage where she saw a tall, blonde, green eyed man.   
  
"Vaughn."  
  
The man turned and, seeing her, grinned.   
  
"Hey Syd." He waited for her to walk into the cage and motioned for her to pull up a crate before taking a seat on one across from her.   
  
"I just wanted to tell you that since you brought back that disk, we have been able to see whatever Sloan does. It is a real breakthrough for the CIA."   
  
"Yeah, no problem." she said. It doesn't bring us any closer to bringing down the Alliance, but hey, anything for my country. She thought, wryly.  
  
"Kendall wants you to let us know if Sloan says anything that might tip us off to what he is looking for, ok?" Vaughn replied.   
  
"Sure."  
  
An awkward pause. He better say something quick... she thought.   
  
"Syd..." he started.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
He looked at her with his gorgeous green eyes and sighed. "Never mind. I'll see you later." He stood up from a crate.  
  
As she looked at him, something inside her seemed to break. That DOES it! she thought as her eyes flashed eerily.   
  
She stood up and walked up behind him as he went to walk out of the cage.   
  
THWACK! She hit him upside the head. Hard.   
  
"OW!" he exclaimed. "Sydney, what was that for?"  
  
"For not telling me how you feel!! Cut it out with the adolescent crap!" she said as she stormed off, leaving him puzzled and rubbing the back of his head.   
  
  
There we go! My first chapter of my first Fic! Be gentle kind reviewers! Constructive criticism welcomed, flames will be used to create a FlambŽ of Fruitcake!  
  
Join the Fruitcake Alliance at fruitcakehq@yahoo.com  
And Coming Soon: Thwackage.com, Where all Fruitcakes can be nutty! 


	2. This Will Be Fun!

Disclaimer: I still own nothing.  
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AN: Thanks to Kimmers, my first reviewer. Now I feel loved!! If you want to see someone get THWACKed, E-mail me at Tasha26111@aol.com. Anyone is susceptible, even Sydney herself. (Now that would be interesting...) Please DON'T tell me in the review. Ff.net looks down on those things. I know, I know, it doesn't make sense to me either. ~ Kierseth  
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To MiA my Muse: Thanks Sweets! Couldn't post without ya!  
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Chapter 2: This "Will" Be Fun!  
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Enjoy!! 8)  
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After Sydney walked out of the warehouse, she headed home. It was late and she needed to get some sleep before "work" tomorrow. Wow, I didn't know hitting someone could be so much fun, she thought as she drove home.  
  
As she walked in the door to her apartment, she saw Francie and Will sitting on the couch watching a movie. Popcorn was strewn all over the couch and pop cans sat on the table nearby.   
  
"Hey guys!" she exclaimed "What are you watching?"  
  
"Hey Syd. You're home late. We were just watching 'Dude, Where's My Car'." Francie replied. "Will insisted on watching it. He said it was hilarious. I have never seen such a horrid piece of drivel in my life. I can feel myself getting stupider by the second."  
  
"What are you talking about?!?!" Will asked "This movie is the funniest thing since Bob Saget left America's Funniest Home Videos!"  
  
Francie gave a snort of contempt and headed towards the bathroom.  
  
Sydney watched her leave the room and turned her focus back on Will, who was back into the movie. Jesse, played by Ashton Kutcher, and Chester, played by Seann William Scott, were currently discovering their recently acquired tattoos. She saw her hand reach toward the back of the couch and. . .   
  
THWACK!!   
  
"Sydney!!" yelped Will, holding the back of his head, "That hurt!"  
  
"Good! That was for choosing a really bad movie! I thought you had better sense than that! Oh, wait a minute, you don't really have good sense, do you? Getting involved with SD-6 and running all over hell and gone trying to track down mysterious men. Come on Will! And then writing an expose on the entire debacle!! The dust bunnies under my bed have better sense than that!!" Giving him a parting THWACK and spinning on her heel, she stormed into her room, shutting the door rather forcefully behind her.   
  
Francie emerged from the bathroom and looked at Will, who was rubbing his head, mystified.   
  
"What was that about?" She asked.  
  
Will shrugged and, with a dazed look on his face, turned back to the movie.  
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Another one bites the dust! If you want to see anyone get their's, email me at Tasha26111@aol.com Don't write it in the review, Ff.net will kick me off! Read and Review and have a wonderful day!  
  
Kierseth 


	3. Revenge on the Ken Doll

Disclaimer: I as yet own no one. I would like to have Michael Vartan, but that is only in Fruitcake Dreamy-land. Darn.  
AN: Thanks to MiA, who wrote the best review. MiA you DO Rock!Savannah- This one is for you. Once again if you want to see someone get theirs, e-mail me at Tasha26111@aol.com Anyone is open, even those who have already been THWACKed.  
Chapter 3: Revenge on the Ken Doll  
Sydney woke up the next morning at her usual time. Francie and Will had skidaddled early that morning, so she didn't see them. They had probably been surprised by her behavior the previous night. They had better get used to it, she thought as she walked up to the big double doors of the "bank". Credit Dauphine was an imposing building if you knew it was a bank, and even more so if you knew that it hid a segment of the Alliance. The Devil's Den, she thought. She felt more relaxed than she had in a while. Maybe it was the effect of letting some aggression loose, she mused. Kicking butt on a daily basis was exciting and helped her let off steam, but it was so much more gratifying when it was the person that she was fuming over! Everyone always says honesty is the best policy, this is just adding a little oomph to it!!  
  
She passed by the security measures without a hitch and walked into the great room in the basement of the building. Computer cords ran from dozens of desks up to the ceiling. Off to the right were the glass windows showing Sloan's office. He was sitting at his desk reading something off his computer. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be a fly on his wall, she thought.  
  
After hours of monotony, punctuated by a thrilling conversation with Marshall about his new invention, she left to go home. Hmm, maybe I'll go out with Francie and Will for a while, she planned, it's been way too long since I went out with them. They're probably feeling a little neglected. She walked in her apartment to find her answering machine blinking. She had one new message, she saw. She hit the button.  
  
"Syd? Syd, if your there pick up." Francie's voice said. She sounded excited. "Ok, I guess you're not there. Will and I are going to be working late tonight, the restaurant is packed to the brim. I'll talk to ya later, ok? Bye."  
  
Ok, she thought, going out with them is not an option. It's still light out, I think I'll go for a jog.   
  
RING  
  
She picked up the phone "Hello?"  
  
"Joey's Pizza?" It was Vaughn. He sounded a little timid.  
  
"Sorry, wrong number." She said in a warm voice. She hung up and went to put on her jogging clothes. Kendall must want to see me, she mused, I just saw Vaughn for a debriefing last night.   
  
She walked into the safe-house breathing heavier than normal from her exercise. She saw Kendall and walked up to him. "Kendall," she said.   
  
"Hello Agent Bristow," he replied with a glance at her attire. "I just wanted to talk to you for a minute. I know your working hard at SD-6 to get information for us, but you need to try harder. We need more information to take down the Alliance. The stuff your giving us is good, but not good enough. You have to do better."   
  
Her hand started to tingle. Breathe, Sydney, breathe, she told herself. you cant just go off and start hitting your boss. 1 . . . 2 . . .   
  
THWACK!!  
  
"Sydney!!!" Vaughn came walking up to her. Kendall was sitting on the floor, holding the side of his head, reeling. "What are you DOING?!?!" Vaughn hissed as he came up by her.   
  
"Vaughn," she turned on him. He ducked. "You need to butt out of this! This is between me and Kendall!" she turned back to Kendall, who was looking up at her dazed. "I have HAD it with your degrading comments!" she raged, "I work my BUTT off for this agency and all I get is 'You need to work harder, Bristow'. I save this nation twice a week and all I get is criticism! All I would like is a little respect!" And with that she turned on her heel and stormed out of the building, leaving a stunned office behind her.  
  
"I think she means that." Kendall said to Vaughn, standing up dizzily.   
  
"I KNOW she does," Vaughn answered, rubbing the back of his head, remembering the night before. 


	4. Intermission: Author's Note

Author's Note  
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This is a short notice to let all of my *checks numbers* five reviewers that I am moving the time line of AKA Slappy to the recent episodes. There are SO many more exciting things that are going on and so many more annoying and stupid and double-crossing *cough*Irena*cough* people to Thwack!! It's hard to remember that certain things happened Here and That hasn't happened in the time line that it is set in now. Now, On to the Show!!!  
  
Thanks for being so patient and encouraging Kat! Who do you thing should be the next victim? E-mail me @ Tasha26111@aol.com to voice your opinion!  
  
: )  
  
Zhai'helleva  
Kierseth 


	5. Mitch Gets Massacred

Disclaimer: I as of yet own no one. I bid on Michel Vartan on Ebay, but no dice. *snaps* This fic contains some dialogue from Episode 17 "A Dark Turn" I do not own it. I did not come up with it. I copied it to play this fic off of. DON"T SUE ME!!!!  
  
AN: For all of those who did not read Chapter 4: Author's Note, the story-line has been moved up to the recent episodes. That means Rambaldi's manuscript has been found and Kendall got his leather binder full of Post-Its.   
  
Reviewers:  
JJ- Wow, this one is for you. Thanks a ginormous heap for all of the reviews!! Thanks also for the spelling correction and FYI: "Zhai'helleva" means "Wind to thy wings" in Tayledras, a fictional people in Mercedes Lackey's Valdemar books. It's a salutation.  
  
ItsADuck- I agree. I think I should submit it as a possible story-line, don't you think? Some kind of new biological weapon that causes Syd to go A-Thwackin? *ponders* hmmmmm.............  
  
*WARNING WARNING THIS FIC CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 17 "A DARK TURN". IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IT TURN AWAY NOW*   
This sentence will self-district in three sec-BOOM!!  
  
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On to the Story!!  
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Chapter 5: Mitch Gets Massacred (This takes place during Episode 17 "A Dark Turn")   
  
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Sydney walks toward the briefing room where she had first met Mitchell Yeager.   
The scum. he had wanted her to investigate Vaughn. The man she loved. And she had actually gone for it. All Vaughn was doing was investigating her mother, to see if she had had any contact with anyone during the online time with Echelon, or when they were in New Delhi, on "vacation". She walked into the room feeling the black computer disk in her hand. Yeager had wanted her to make a copy of Vaughn's hard drive. Yeager looked up as she entered and smiled.   
  
"You made the right decision" he said.  
  
She narrowed her eyes. "That disk is blank. I didn't make a copy of Agent Vaughn's hard drive. The fact that I doubted Vaughn's motives makes me sick".  
  
Yeager's smile faded. "You should be aware that by choosing not to assist, you are implicating yourself in Agent Vaughn's activities".  
  
That pissed her off. "Don't threaten me again" she growled.  
  
Yeager continued. "And you could be prosecuted as an accessory".  
  
Sydney answered, gravely. "I understand".  
  
"Understand that there are consequences to your actions". Yeager pressed.  
  
"There are consequences, that's my point. Ask yourself, would you betray someone you love?" she replied, heatedly.   
  
"Well, I guess we have an answer to the intimacy question" Yeager scoffed.   
  
That was the last straw. She felt her hand begin to tingle and her eyes glowed eerily. It's happening again! she thought with a mix of elation and consternation. She hadn't felt like this in such a long time, she thought it had just been letting off a little steam. She sauntered around the table with a little sexy smile on her face. Yeager leaned back in his chair with a small smile of satisfaction.   
  
"Yes, I love Vaughn" she said slowly, one hand reaching and caressing Yeager's cheek, the other behind her back. Yeager's smile grew wider.  
  
THWACK!!  
  
Yeager's head flew forward, eyes wide in shock as his forehead came into contact with the desktop. He stayed there for a moment and groaned.   
  
"That was for being a snide, distrustful, small-brained prick!" she declared. "How I could have EVER mistrusted Vaughn was despicable and YOU have the gall to come back and act like an ass for me loving him? You have some nerve, Mr. Yeager, some nerve." And with that, she spun on her heel and stalked out of the briefing room, leaving Yeager, cross-eyed and stunned, sitting in his chair with one hand on his forehead and the other on the back of his head, staring at the closing door.   
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*And another one down, and another one down, another one bites the dust!* I don't own that either. If anyone wants to see a character get some (a THWACK, geez, get your mind out of the gutter!) E-mail me at Tasha26111@aol.com. Custructive criticism ok, with a sprinkling of tact. Flames will be used to toast marshmallows!  
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:)  
Zhai'helleva  
Kierseth 


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